Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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