So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
