i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
