end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
