I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
