i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
