is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
