That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I supernannyed him into submission
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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