I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
