The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
