she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
