It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
