You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
