If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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