i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
