wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
