"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
