my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
