just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
