i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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