the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
