Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone signed my nipple.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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