Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
