you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
