i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
