I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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