I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
