i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
