I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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