i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
