Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
