You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
