this just has baby written all over it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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