my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
