Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You made out with two different species that night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
