PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
