paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I looked at my own cervix.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
