i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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