im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
