I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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