somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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