dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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