there's paper in my vomit.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
