Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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