Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
