College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So much Jack, so little girl.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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