I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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