Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
