Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
