are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
