Whod you bang
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
