Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
