my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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